You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
How'd it feel making her break her religion?
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
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