Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
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