either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
I just cut my nipple shaving
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
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