I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
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