my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.