After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
10+ Incredible Tumblr Stories That Will Leave You Shook
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
16 People Who Have Raised The Bar For Petty Revenge
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.