There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
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My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
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Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?