hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
25 Cringeworthy Below the Pants Injuries
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
19 People Confess The Craziest Sex Act They’ve Ever Participated In
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
She needs sedatives and a leash
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...