He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
Randomize
