What a fucking waste of an outfit
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
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