It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
This baby is an asshole
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
Randomize
