wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
Randomize
