I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
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