Me too!
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
Randomize
