fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
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