I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
Randomize
