ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Randomize
