I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
Can't talk, ducks in the car
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
Randomize
