He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Randomize
