good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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