K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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