i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
Randomize