Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
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