Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
Randomize
