She is in my trunk
the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
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