I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
Randomize
