I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
Randomize
