he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
Randomize
