A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
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I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
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The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
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