There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Randomize
