Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
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