the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
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