I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
Randomize
