Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
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Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
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She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
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