Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
Randomize
