ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
