Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
Randomize
