I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
This is classic penis vs brain.
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
Randomize
