there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
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