where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
Why is there bacon in the couch?
Randomize
