i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Randomize
