How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
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