eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
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