Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
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