you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
Randomize
