Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
Randomize
