Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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