Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
