I hope mine doesn't look like that
I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
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