Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
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