shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
