Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
Randomize
