dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
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