Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
Randomize
