Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
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