i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
Randomize
