Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
