Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
I just gift wrapped bread.
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
Randomize
