I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
Randomize
