i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
Naked Twister starts at high noon
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
Randomize
