he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
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Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
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And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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