Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
Randomize
