i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
I need a hoe opinion
go on
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
Randomize
