I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
Randomize
