READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
Randomize
