I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
I didn't notice because vodka
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
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