He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
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