Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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