Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
