the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
Randomize
