You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
Randomize
