remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize
