I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
Randomize
