Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
I could have mohawked her pubes.
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
Randomize
