My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
Randomize
