I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
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